6 August, 2001
Lord Jesus, why is it that I can hear your words so often that they lose their alarming challenge? Why is it so easy to rationalize away your call to follow? Why is it so often that I find myself chasing after so many things in this life than you? I look at my hands and they are soft and wrapped in gold. But yours were pierced with iron. I spend several minutes each day concerned with how my hair appears. But yours was matted and caked with your own blood and woven with thorns. I see the piles of clothes in my closet and worry about which outfit to wear. But you hung naked on the cross. I whine about my headaches and tired legs. But you didn't even say a word when they tore your skin and muscles with that awful whip. I am ashamed with the way I pretend to follow you. Forgive me, Jesus, for denying your invitation to follow. As the summer fades into autumn, let the dead leaves of my pursuit of a "comfortable life" fall away so you can bring new leaves of true discipleship in their place.
I so need you to change my selfish and prideful heart. David cried out to you, "Create in me a pure heart, O God. Renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from your presence, O Lord, or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me."
Help me to see the paths you have for me to walk and give me the courage to follow you in them. Amen (I hope to see all this come true).

27 August, 2001
Heavenly Father, thank you for holding me safely in your hands. You know the discouragement I felt yesterday and how it affected my attitude toward other people. I am thankful that I was able to share in the experience of despair that truly consumes some people. It is a very dark and difficult place. Thank you that my heart was made more tender for my brothers and sisters who live there every day. I was so hungry for even one sweet word of appreciation, encouragement, or hope. Thank you for reminding me of the selfishness of my silence when others need encouragement.
Help me to be mindful of people around me who are hiding their pain. I cannot remove it. I know that that is something only you can do. But I can, and must, share the weight with them. Help me to be an encouragement today. Paul wrote that we are to comfort others with the comfort we have received from You. Please, strengthen my discouraged heart so I might be able to share that comfort with others.
You deserve my most excellent efforts. You deserve my unhurried, undistracted, silent attention. Help me be aware of Your Presence every moment today. Thank you for loving me the way you do. Help me to love You and Your people more completely. I hope to see all of this come true.

August 28, 2001
Lord Jesus, Is there some area of my life that I am refusing to let go of? I am deeply affected by the call of my culture to accumulate the new and the improved. I was tempted to spend money yesterday on something I had absolutely no need for. And my desire for that thing came from this desire to simply have something new. But You reminded me that I have all I need in You. You reminded me that all the things I so often chase after only produce a "continual lust for more."
I want to chase only after You, but I so often fail to be aware of Your Presence. Bonhoeffer asked how someone could hope to enter into communion with You what at some point in their life they are running away from You? So often I find myself pursuing other things only to find that You, my only real Need, are in the other direction. Lord, I want to live my life completely surrendered to You. One of my friends, Thoa, said that it is hard to live a surrendered life. In a way it is, because it seems like the more insecure, unobservable, and frightening-but the truth is that Your way is the most secure possible.
Lord, come into my heart and shine your light into the dark corners of my heart. Please show me where I am holding so tightly to this world that I fail to take hold of You. Help me to live in communion with You. Amen.

August 29, 2001
Lord Jesus, I hear you calling me to be less hurried, to live with a purity of heart. I get so busy with so many good things, and yet they pull me apart. I don't know which to begin first. So often I end up doing very little well. I need Your wisdom to know when to say Yes and No.
I am thankful for the reminder that if I do everything then other people do not get a chance to grow. You are reminding me of the many tall trees whose canopy blocks the sunlight and whose roots drink all the rain-they do not allow any of the saplings to grow. Help me to see how I can become less so others may become greater. Help me to "blend into the background" as my friend Mike says.
Lord, thank you for your steady Presence. You have so often protected me from myself. You have guarded my heart from despair when I was close to giving up. You have allowed me to taste sorrow when I was living superficially. Help me to show others how You are able to steady them. I love the way you show Yourself to me in the simple and the complex, in joy and in sorrow, and in the silence and the crowd. Help me keep my eyes open. I hope to see all this come true.

August 30, 2001
You are so beautiful, O Lord. The world around me, filled as it is with pain and destruction, still speaks of your breath-taking goodness and amazing mercy. As the sun comes up this morning, it is hidden behind the clouds. You are reminding me that though I may perceive you as hidden, you are still present with me. David knew the futility of trying escape you. "I can never escape from your spirit! I can never get away from your presence! If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there. If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there your hand will guide me, and your strength will support me…even in darkness, I cannot hide from you."
Help me to be aware of your Presence today. I am so prone to be distracted by the busy-ness of life. Help me to seek you while I work and drive and speak with people. I will listen patiently for your words today. Help me as I surrender my life to you today.
I was encouraged, O Lord, by words I read from your servant Thomas Merton. He reminded me that life is a series of conversions to you. Help me to die again to myself, and to be raised into your Life. I look forward to the day that my will is straightened out so it can follow perfectly with yours. Help me to be sensitive to where your Wind is moving today. Amen.

31 August, 2001
Dear Jesus, when you were here with your disciples in Palestine, you were not distracted from your mission. You did not allow yourself to be pulled away from the work your Father sent you to do. But so often, I find myself pulled in so many different directions by my curiosity in so many things. If I can just choose one to be great in it is to be your disciple. Yet I find myself overwhelmed with the urge to be busy with so many other good and important things. Give me the single-mindedness that you had as you lived in perfect obedience to your Father.
You reminded me yesterday that You do not call me to things I can do on my own. You call me to be holy as your Father in the heavens is holy. How could I do this without you? You tell me to love my enemies and pray for people who discriminate against me. How can I do that without you? You tell me to rejoice when I am going through difficult things. How could I possibly do that without the confidence that you are with me?
Lord, help me to live with the same purity of heart you had. Have mercy on me. Amen.

4 September, 2001
Lord, I will learn how to be a friend from you. You have taught me what it means to love. You laid down your life for countless people who live as your enemies. Help me to be Your friend. Help me to be a true friend to others.
How often I forget the extent of my brokenness apart from You. Heal my heart. You're the only One who is able. Amen.

5 September, 2001
Dear Lord, you knew your Father's will and you did it completely. Help me to live like you did. I find myself chasing after my many compulsions, anxious for my future, and unmindful of you. You are reminding me of what you said to the crowds. You said that our Father in the heavens cares well for the flowers of the field and the birds of the air, so He will care so much more for us.
Your servant Paul knew the secret of contentment: clinging to You regardless of his circumstances. O Lord, how I wish I was like that all the time. I want so much to hold this life and the things in it loosely, so that I can hold firmly to the One who holds on to me. Keep me from the many distractions that pull me away from You and your will for me today.
Help me to find You in whatever I do (even if it be nothing) today. Help me to know the power of your gentle presence. Amen.

6 September, 2001
Dear Lord, you faced the temptation to be spectacular in the eyes of men, but you refused to bow to that temptation. You said, "Do not put the Lord your God to the test." You continually lived in a way that avoided the spectacular. You told men to keep your identity a secret when you healed them. You rebuked Peter when he tried to talk you out of the cross. How different is my world of self-promotion! I have been told that my "skills" must be showcased. I have been told to learn the art of "posturing." So much of the world, my world, is wrapped up in a tangled web of manipulation. But that is not Your way.
Your way is the way of the suffering servant. You said that if I want to become the greatest that I must become the least, the servant of all-not merely the servant of those who can advance my career or compensate me for my service. The servant of all. You have shown me the extent to which the world, my world, is a devourer; a consumer without conscience. We use others without a second thought. We write books about how to manipulate others for our benefit. That is why your words sound so backwards to my world.
Lord, help me to resist the temptation to be spectacular. Help me to fade into the invisible background so only you will be seen. Your love. Your grace. Your joy. Your peace. Protect me from the cult of "success at any cost". Help me to follow only in your way of un-"posturing" service. Amen.

9 September, 2001
Dear Lord, It is once again the day I go to meet with your people to celebrate your victory over death. I know this day in particular will be hectic and challenging. Help me to walk close to you in it. I will be communicating a message from my heart, and I hope that you will take my simple words and help them to be powerful in people's hearts. Lord, you know the temptation I always face, but I would be gladly forgotten if only you are remembered. I just want to draw people's attention to you. You are beautiful and captivating.
You said that when you would be lifted up you would draw all men to yourself. You are reminding me that through your suffering, I can be healed. I know all too well how broken I am apart from you. The past few days have made me painfully aware of that. Help me to live as you lived; completely dependent and surrendered to the will of your Father. The Psalmist wrote, "As the deer pants for water, so my soul longs for you." I am thirsty too, Living Water.
Guard my heart from the temptation to perform, and help me to simply live as your beloved. Help me to see you throughout this day. Help me to receive this day with gratitude. Amen.

25 March, 2002
What have you been trying to teach me? How have you been trying to speak to me?
I have felt you calling me to be mindful of you. You have been showing me that you will help me to overcome my doubts about you and live free from the substitutes that I have created. You are telling me to have the courage to make the difficult decision. You told me clearly that the shadow does not yet hold sway over me. That was very encouraging. Your love for me is really amazing. You know my heart, and you know that I love beauty and harmony. You know that I hunger for the peace that only you can supply. I thank you for the people who have communicated your truth to me...Willard, Foster, Merton, Nouwen, Manning, and the others. I feel like I am just a new learner. I feel you warning me about pride. I feel you cautioning me that I must learn to endure conflict and not run away from it. To love others in the midst of it rather than abandoning them by fleeing confrontation.
What does it mean to proclaim that Jesus is Lord? What must be the message that is incarnated to the world? How can we communicate joy and justice? Love and truth? Truth in love? You have shown me how weak and shallow I am apart from you. I really do need you--I need to be near you and listen to your voice more. I am tired of talking...tired of all my words that form questions without answers. I long to be still and to listen to your loving and convicting voice. Speak to me with the words that I need to hear. Speak to me with the words that those around me need to hear, but only let them hear what you are saying, not my occluded perceptions of what you are saying. I am so grateful that you speak to us even through our limited language and 'hack' communicators like me. You know that I struggle with the ways that you have gifted me. I struggle with the pride that comes so readily with those who strive for the approval of others. When we get it, we only want more. When we get it, we start to believe that our value is somehow bound up in that approval. How often I have been puffed up and crushed because of the approving words or lack thereof. Help me to truly understand what it means to be your beloved son. Help me to live in the peace that does not work and strive for the approval of others. Help me to accept the kind words of others with grace. Help me to reflect that kindness and be a blessing to everyone around me. You know that I am struggling right now with where you want me to be. Help me and Torie to see your direction clearly. We must be together on our decision. You know that I have not led us in talking to you about this together. You know all my fears and the feelings and thoughts that I have. You know my limitations and my strengths. Help me to see the place where these can be woven into your will in the most beautiful way.
I am looking out the window right now at your sunset. It is beautiful. So many of these I have seen in my life and they take my breath away. It is all the beauty I can withstand of the sun. If I were to look at it in its fulness, I would wreck my ability to see. When you showed Moses your back, was it like a sunset? Did he weep from the beauty? Did he lose his breath? Did he fall to the ground in wonder? How wonderful it must have been with his face reflecting the beauty of your sunset. Help me to reflect your sunset to the people in my life.
Sin occludes your reflection. Like heavy rain clouds, my disconnection from you prevents me from reflecting your beauty to others. Wash my skies clear that others may catch a glimpse--that I too may see--how beautiful and wonder-full you are.
When i am tempted, help me to remember your sunset. When I think the shadow is where I should be, send me a chill that drives me into the warmth of your light.
When I become fascinated with my own hands, help me to remember how you knit them together before I was born. Fill me with wonder of you that burns away the clouds of idolatry.
You know that I am very introspective, but help me to have the courage to speak when it will help someone to be blessed. Help me to live what brother Francis prayed: Make me a instrument of your peace.
Make me a blessing by my silence. Make me a blessing by my speech.
Make me a blessing by my faithfulness.
Make me a blessing by my humility.
Make me a blessing by my love expressed to others.
Make me a blessing by my joy.
It is almost dark now, but I know that the sun still shines. Help me to remember that when I feel far away from you. Help me to remember that morning will come in all its quiet beauty. And remind me that someday the sun will never set again, and night will be no more.
You are beautiful beyond words.

02 May, 2002
Father, I enter into his day with my usual anxieties. How I need to hear the words of your Son: 'Consider the lilies' and 'consider the ravens.'
You know that I become so overwhelmed with just a few demands on me. Help me to learn to take each step in faith that You are walking with me and that You are in action in me and through me.
So often I do what I do apart from any awareness that You are present with me in my 'doing.'
I remember the wise prayers of my Celtic brothers and sisters: 'In my rising and my walking....' They kept You ever before them in their thoughts and actions. Yet I am still learning what that means: 'Be Thou my Vision.'
Be Lord over my anxieties today. Be Lord over my thinking and reading and writing. Be Lord over my speaking and my listening. Be Lord in my sitting and in my standing. Be Lord in my seeing and in my tasting. Help me to follow in the way of Your Son. Guide me in the reality of Your kingdom. Let me taste the sweetness of following You today.
Amen.

07 May, 2002
Dear Lord,
How easy it is for me to talk about things to others, but how difficult it is for me to walk the path that I talk about. Even now, it is so easy for me to be directed into things that are pleasing to other people. But you are teaching me of my need to find myself in You as I lay myself aside--my wants, my compulsions, my impulsive and self-indulgent actions.
When I think of how connected you always were with the Father, I want that kind of life. Yet, so much of what I do pulls me away from that kind of connection. I feel, however, that you are encouraging me. You are reminding me that it is good that I want to want that kind of life--even if I do not possess it completely now. And I do. I want to live increasingly under Your influence--the ruling and reigning of the Father--and that is encouraging.
I am so thankful for the love that you are bringing more fully into my heart. You are helping me to live more fully in your Spirit. I was really encouraged by something that Dallas wrote: 'The greatest saints are notthose who need less grace, but those who consume the most grace, who indeed are most in need of grace--those who are saturated by grace in every dimension of their being. Grace to them is like breath.'
Thank you for your endless, amazing action in my life and in the lives of the people around me.
Today, in my work and in my rest, may I lean more and more on your grace. Let it be to me like breath.
Amen.

09 May, 2002

Heavenly Father,
At the close of this day, I say, 'Thank you.' Thank you for the ways that You provide for my means. Thank you for the way you provide for my soul. Thank you for the many ways You are reminding me that You are carrying out Your plan in my life as I continue to place myself increasingly under Your loving direction.
You know that recently I have been feeling as if I must be silent-that my many words are becoming to me like so much noise. And yet, You have used my words to speak to those around me. Often in spite of my words, I think. I am thankful that You have spoken to others through me, but I am also thankful that You have spoken through others to me.
I sense that You were telling me today to not speak of others in ways that undermine them-even if it might be true. I spoke today of several people today in ways that I think may have nurtured anger or some kind of negativity in someone else. I know that that is not pleasing to You, and it is not helpful for my intention to be like Your Son. Forgive me, and give me the desire to speak only what will build others up. Give me the strength to be silent when my words might undermine others.
There is so much that we people do each day to destroy one another. I don't want to contribute to that anymore. Remind me of the fact that I am 'dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.'
I also sense that You are kindling a new hunger for Your word. Help me to nurture the patterns of my life that keep Your directions always in the front of my mind. As I sleep tonight, guard my heart. Speak to me in my dreams in words that drive out fear and selfishness. Help me to love others increasingly as I increasingly understand the depth and height and breadth and width of your amazing love.
Remember my sister and my brothers. Draw them increasingly into Your love.
Amen.

11 May, 2002
Dear Lord,
You are so good to me in ways that I so often look past. Today I looked on the clouded sky and lamented the lack of sun. I failed to see the beauty in the blanket of clouds...until now. I remember how you were present to your people in the pillar of cloud, and of how your presence filled the temple as a cloud.
Today I was so wound up in my impatience and my own agenda. You know that when I get like that I am not listening and looking for what you are doing and teaching me. I see how much I need to grow, and still I sense that you are encouraging me that I am headed in the right direction.
I sense that I am finding it increasingly easy and pleasant to do what pleases you. I know from my anxieties and impatience today that I have so far to go in many areas, but you are at work in my soul. That is a very encouraging thing.
You are teaching me of my need to serve others without my usual expectation of approval or appreciation. I saw today how easily my words can be used to manipulate people and make them feel guilty for not voicing their appreciation of me. I know that this is not pleasing to you and that it is harmful to others. I do not like this way that I use words. Help me to learn to be silent and serve others out of love, not my anxious need for being noticed.
I give you thanks for helping me to be silent today when I could have spoken again to undermine others. Help me now to move beyond my silence and into speaking words that build others up.
You are showing me that the great need of your people today is to grow in the likeness of your character and in obedience to your teaching. Help me to see how I can participate in this with the people around me.
Fill me with your Spirit. Fill me with your peace. Fill me with your love. Overflow through me out to the people around me that they might come to know the goodness of your life.
Amen.